do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
