Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
