too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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