sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
