ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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