they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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