I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
