Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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