she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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