oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
