he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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