it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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