you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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