Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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