You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
