Someone shit on the floor
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
