Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
