oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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