her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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