he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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