im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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