Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
