I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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