no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
