I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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