had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
