Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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