we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
