Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
