My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My dick has a subreddit
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
