If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
