Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
