Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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