you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
