Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
