maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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