i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
