So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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