How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
