I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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