A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
