Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
