maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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