im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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