tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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