Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
