I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
