I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
