we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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