I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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