I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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