I was born with a shot glass in my hand
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
