i would punch a child for taco bell
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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