Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
