I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
