The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
