I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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